Stress, Anxiety and Anxiety-related Disorders

No, I don’t have one. But I did experience anxiety. Who hasn’t, anyway?

The few moments before my vocal solo pop singing contest during the Literary-Musical competition of the Nursing Fun Days 2008 was one of the most anxious times of my life so far. Backstage, I was restless, my hands were shaking, I was walking back and forth all over the place, I was laughing at whatever, I was stuttering, my extremities were tingling, and I was breathing really deeply. I was worrying so much about what I’d do once I go out there and sing. Because, first off, I kept on forgetting some of the lyrics. Second, I wasn’t sure if I could reach the highest notes (you know, the “baby, baby” part) without making mistakes, because so far, all my practices were imperfect. I had made mistakes every practice session. Third, it seemed as if there was a lot of pressure on me, considering the fact that I won the vocal duet contests with Ena last year, both on the Nursing Fun Days 2007 and the University Week 2008. Therefore, there were a lot of expectations on me. And I kinda pressured myself to meet them. The pressure was on.

Anxiety totally overcame me backstage.

Nursing interventions?

• Friends. Ena Faye, who was constantly giving me emotional support and praying with me; and Aiza, who was assuring me that I was going to give a good performance.
• Phone calls. My mom couldn’t leave the office back home; she wasn’t able to watch me perform. But she was calling me every now and then, telling me to calm down, to pray, to breathe and prepare for the high notes and difficult parts of the song, and to perform as if I was Celine Dion. She also told me that it was just a contest, not the end of the world. And then, surprisingly Daddy was able to get there just in time to watch my performance and call mommy so that she could hear my singing through that phone call.
• Deep breathing. It helped me relax!
• Prayer. I totally needed God. The thought that He’ll guide me through it, that He will not put me to shame, that He gave me this talent and that I sing to give Him back the glory – those calmed my heart.
• The cheer of the crowd. The support from the audience was overwhelming. It boosted my confidence so that I was able to give it my best shot. From up there I saw Aiza with a big smile on her face.
• The I-can-do-it attitude. In times like that, believing in yourself makes a lot of difference. There was no turning back. I had to go out there and sing.

And that was it. I went out there and performed as well as I could. All-out stage presence and singing at the top of my lungs. Which resulted to one blooper episode - naka sab-it ang mini skirt ko sa wire sang microphone. And I only found out after the performance. I never would’ve known that it happened onstage if I didn’t see the video in my digicam. Argh… But I was still happy though because instead of committing mistakes on the high notes of the song, that was the only embarrassing thing that happened to me. It was less humiliating, kesa sa maglibag ko or mag piyok. Di ba? Haha!

Effective coping? I guess, yeah. Anxious moments were over at last. Goal met.

♥ Greg ♥ Part II

Sir Greg Bordon is one clinical instructor whom I will never ever forget.

Ayos? Ayos ah.

Hehe. Wham! May impact! 

He actually reprimanded me for some reason (it’s not a clinical error so don’t worry), and when he did I could really see his concern, I saw his commitment in training me to be a professional nurse.

He’s been a great clinical instructor. To think, I was once scared of being under his supervision in one RLE rotation, because everyone knew he’s strict. When I finally got the chance to have him as my CI for our Pediatric Ward duties, wham! What can I say? He’s the BEST. I also loved his lecture on Disturbances in Oxygenation, as he explained everything really, really well and made sure that we understood them.

I so like him! I sooooo like him! He’s so good. Super.

♥ Greg ♥

Sir Greg Bordon is one clinical instructor whom I will never ever forget.

Ayos? Ayos ah.

Hehe. Wham! May impact! 

He actually reprimanded me for some reason (it’s not a clinical error so don’t worry), and when he did I could really see his concern, I saw his commitment in training me to be a professional nurse.

He’s been a great clinical instructor. To think, I was once scared of being under his supervision in one RLE rotation, because everyone knew he’s strict. When I finally got the chance to have him as my CI for our Pediatric Ward duties, wham! What can I say? He’s the BEST. I also loved his lecture on Disturbances in Oxygenation, as he explained everything really, really well and made sure that we understood them.

I so like him! I sooooo like him! He’s so good. Super.

Crushes at the Clinical Area

• Junior Intern Ambu-bag (he’s totally gay, though)
• Junior Intern Sia (kay Levie Rose Sudario)
• Staff nurse Vladimir of the Surgical Ward.
• Crush nurse Junvic S.
• Sir Bordon
• Dr. B of the OR. (kay in-in! ^^)

These are the few people who make duties at the hospital a little less stressful.  Haha!

A guy is a gentleman if he…

1. is punctual on your dates (which can only mean 2 things – either he’s plain early or you’re just late.)
2. is courteous enough to greet you even though he is running late for his class (it usually makes a girl’s day, that’s for sure.)
3. admits his mistakes and asks forgiveness.
4. says sorry even though it’s obvious that it’s totally your fault.
5. lets you buy food first in the cafeteria even though you just got there and he is already starting to mold just by standing there long enough.
6. is someone who doesn’t compare your cuteness to a bear.

- by Aiza May Coo Robles a.k.a. Shirota-san, my mermaid-fairy mother.

Love, Nothingness and Everything Else

Unforgettable Moments of 2007

January: Letting go, moving on and starting to find myself again. Putting an end to some stupid relationship.

February: Totally crushing on a classmate. I’d always share my kilig moments with Cilby and Marshie.

March: Falling for a writer. March was so full of drama.

April: Getting to surf the net all day, all summer, doing digital art and somehow getting sort of discovered – my works caught some attention at DeviantART and I was given a three-month premium account by some random person over there.

May: Got my Canon Powershot A570 IS! ^_^

June: My 17^th birthday wasn’t that memorable.

July: Big Bro/Big Sis and Lil Bro/Lil Sis – 2007 College of Nursing Acquaintance Party! It was July 6 when I first met Janer through that Big Bro & Big Sis activity. RC is my uncle/classmate/best friend, super close kami. We were looking for our
big bro/sis. Then RC told me nga kilala nya na kuno ang big sis ko, close kuno sila sng big bro nya, and they said upod nlang kuno kami 4 mag pa picture sa SM City. So we met up that Saturday. Du mga buang kami, labutaw ko dan, si RC dw
gaga2 man, super labutaw pa gd si Big Sis ko Manang Bo kag si Manong Janer. Friendship!

August: Nursing Fun Days, I guess. Got to be musical this time. Ena and I won first place in the vocal duet contest of the Nursing Pop Idols event, off to represent the college for U-week. And another thing: I met Manong Francis through Friendster and we went out one day to get to know each other. Friends kmi subong eh. Upod man kmi sa Nursing Pop Idols, contestant man xa. Click kami sa music kag kantahanay. Haha. Lastly, August 29: Janer asked for my number.

September: Aside from those dreadful return demonstrations… Oh mehn, September is the best! This month (autumn ni xa in other countries?) was so full of unforgettable moments! Simple moments lg gd pro super happy gd ko sa times nga to. I was sort of crushing on Jan Ree na. Sort of lang ha. September 1: Night Shift 6! I was super happy coz I got to talk to my sort of crush pag Night Shift. As in talk to the max gd ya. Upod kmi ni Christine Marie. And I found out pa that night nga he was awesome at painting. Gosh. The following week txtanay kmi ni Janer. Du binuang gd ya ke Smart xa, Globe ko ya. Hay naku kagasto. See! Wahaha.. Then one Saturday after ka return demo ko, he gave me a drawing, laminated pa. Ma recall ko pa gni nga nagtext xa nga wait ya ko kuno sa 2^nd floor. Nka red to xa. Tapos na lecture nila. Nag talk pa gd kmi sa lobby. Kag ang drawing gd ya! Oh, teh! Anu natabo sa heart ko bay? Smash. Ang sort of crush naging super crush. September 21: Gin updan ya ko bakal Ampicillin. I met him sa canteen to give him The Alchemist which he was gonna borrow. I said, “Lakat ko anay Nong, bakal ko Ampicillin.” He asked, “Ma gwa ka?” I said yes. Hmbal ya, “Ta!” Upod kmi dayun gwa, ginapayungan ya ko ke nag ulan pag gwa namun canteen, la ko ndala paying ko. We went to a drugstore and got Ampicillin. Then went back sa school. I thought gd ya nag upod xa pagwa ke mpuli xa. Ayteh. Gin updan ya lang ko bakal den balik naman kmi school. Hahay. September 22: He gave me a bar of chocolate bisan joke ko mn lang ang pag pabakal ko cia the day before. He gave me another drawing. Then I had two slices of choco-strawberry mousse that day, hatag ni Mama earlier, she said i-share ko lng kuno. So I shared the cake with Janer. We had cake and coffee sa canteen that rainy afternoon. After that we went to QH, nag sturya2 lang, then gin dul-ong ya ko puli. September 28: Upod kmi watch Patches of Art, cultural presentation sng PESCAR pag PE Day. After the show we ate at Jollibee. And he walked me home. It was raining and we were under one umbrella. September 30: We went to attend mass at St. Clement’s together. What can I say? Grabe heartbeat ko pag “Our Father”.

October: Return demonstrations in Nursing again. And yet, the best man ni, continuation pa sng moments from September. After my return demos, we’d usually see each other and he’d walk me home, carrying my really heavy yellow green jelly bag containing all my paraphernalia. Lol. October was the time when I really wondered what we were, what was going on between us, if it’s love, if I’m in love. Confused and falling. I think this month was also the time when we went photo shooting cats, the sky at dusk, more cats, and more skies at dusk – all at the Nursing Student Center at school. The finished pieces were awesome, and I have him to thank that for.

November: Community Health Nursing! Bonding with Lola and Lolo at Brgy, Camangay, Leganes. Mikki was a great partner! We had the exact same black Penshoppe backpack pa ha! The CHN experience was so fun, and we got a good grade for our Family Assessment. Go, go!

December: *Speechless* The first time I ever went stargazing with someone in an open field was on December 6 at CPU. Fireworks. Stars. Moments. Love.  Effort pa ha! Nagkadto gd ko bisan may post test sa Patho and Pharma the next day (December 7)! And the day after that, December 8, turning point! How can I not love you? Tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes! Hesitate no more! What a perfect way to end the year 2007.

So fill the year 2008 and the years to come with beautiful moments worth remembering. Live like it’s the last moon rising.

Anyway, this was inspired by Mikki’s blog entry of the same theme. She says she’s determined to slim down this 2008. I, on the other hand, am determined to gain weight! Whoa.

 

So let me start on the Unforgettable Moments of 2008:

January: Case Pre! The grand case presentation (January  was on my patient. The day before that was when I really cried for the first time in a long time coz I had to do a lot, and I mean A LOT. From writing the Nursing Process to typing all of it, making the Powerpoint presentation, going to a far-away place (specifically Pavia) looking for an overhead projector and ending up providing one for the class (because the BIG problem there was that there were no more projectors at school available for us, all were reserved).  With that in my mind, they told me to have my case pre printed on acetate – something which I would never ever do since I knew I couldn’t finish all of it by 10 PM which is the time when the only acetate-printing computer center Acclaim closes. And the grand case pre was at 7 the next day! Oh sheesh! What could I have done? I had to PROVIDE a stupid overhead projector so we could use that PowerPoint presentation I was doing. I had to buy a stupid connector for the projector that cost PhP1000. The experience was terrible. Imagine staying up late in front of my computer just to finish that damned Nursing Care Plan coz they wanted more, more, more. And suddenly the power goes out. WTH?!? Brownout! So I cried again! The day before our Grand Case Presentation was when I cried and prayed a lot. I only had two hours of sleep. We were to be there by 7AM. If Tating didn’t call my landline, I would’ve been super late. Guess what time I woke up? 6:55 AM. I panicked. Took a really quick bath, got dressed in my uniform, didn’t eat, and walked fast to school. Good thing the clinical instructors were a little late so I got there ahead of them. Thank GOD I survived!

February: the 13th, Dinner at Krua Thai with my Dad, his best friend Tito Juancho, and Tito Juancho’s daughter Jcile who is my childhood best friend. Why memorable? I loved the food at Krua Thai and ate FIVE plates of fried rice, chicken with cashew, prawns and more fried rice. I had ordered bottomless iced tea, btw.

And that’s about it. The year 2008 will rock! At least that’s what I hope for. As I always say, err, sing, live like it’s the last moon rising. Scream just like no one’s there. Lose all of my defenses. Love like it’s the very last moment in time.

Love = The Unstoppable Force

October 21, 2007 – copied from my old Friendster blog.

 

Gin copy ko lang from Mikki’s blog. Na fascinate ko sa ginsulat ya. Hehe. Daw ka.. it’s so right! So true! So cute. Hehe!   Anyway, credits to Mikki for this blog entry of hers, all rights reserved to her of course. Hehe. Here it goes:

Love is the unstoppable force.. right??

I’ll start with “don’t ask me if I’m in love or not.” Even if you do, I won’t give an answer! Hehe.. i won’t say that I’m not in love nor am i not in love.. It’s better to leave that question lingering in your minds if you read this.

I do believe that love is an unstoppable force. You can’t choose when or to whom you fall but u can choose whether to nurture or neglect that feeling. I’m very fascinated about the thought of choosing whether to nurture the feeling felt or neglect it. It seems so difficult to choose between what you think is right and what you feel is right. What
if you don’t think it’s right and you don’t feel i’s right? do you abandon that feeling or still nurture it? Please don’t relate me with what I’m writing. I’m fascinated, that’s all!! Hehe.. I’m not being defensive ha!! Hehe..

What do you do when you fall in love? do you go straight into it? or do you run away? it’s like a fight or flight mechanism! All or none at all.. Hehe!

Have you ever thought about it? Falling in love? Something extraordinarily felt by all of us.. Extraordinary because it can create miracles and magic.. It can change lives..

Love and be loved!!

All I can say is that I agree.  When I read her blog entry, it was probably the first time it ever hit me that love really is like that, the first time I realized what a fascinating fight or flight mechanism falling in love can be. Not that I’ve never fallen in love before. I have, of course, only I didn’t realize that while I did, it was already an all or nothing stuff, like what she said. So since I’ve experienced a lot of falling and breaking my heart in the end, it’s time I learned to be careful.All or nothing. There’s no try and see if it works. No more give it a little chance and see what happens. I am gonna wait for that one guy who will take my breath away, that one guy whom I will choose to love. If I choose to love, it’s gonna bethat person only and no one else in the world can ever replace whoever that’s gonna be. And it’s so true that love is extraordinary, something so beautiful that it can, like what a friend of mine said, bring out the best in you.

More thoughts for the day? Falling in love is making a stand. When you love someone, you don’t say “I love you, take my love!” Instead you say, “Here’s my heart in open hand. Take it or leave it, I will love you just the same.”

There’d Be You

The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you
And I cant sleep, I need to tell you… goodnight

When we’re together I feel perfect
When I’m pulled away from you I fall apart
All that you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so beautiful, I can’t look away as we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me, I want to end up with you
I want to hold you tight, I want us to be together, would you?
Oh you don’t have to ask me, you know you’re all that I live for
You know I’d die just to hold you, stay with you
Somehow I’ll show you that you are my night sky
I’ve always been right behind you
Now I’ll always be right beside you

So many nights I’ve cried myself to sleep
Now that you love me I love myself
I never thought I would say that
I never thought there’d be you

Loved… From the Very Start of the Maze

Revive

RC Amor R. Vagilidad

Her mere presence broke the foreboding darkness barricading the freedom to where she left me. The time where confusion made the night fog thick and the unholy aura dispersed is when everything started. I am where to nowhere, alone in a labyrinth never told. But I was held into deep slumber, and your loss becomes clearer everyday, and every night. The nightfall reminisces the day you held my hands, in the awkwardness of everything. And it led me to you, the maze was never too cruel, as it was you I was finding.

You’re still the mere presence, loved and beautiful that I just can’t leave. But you left… in the awkwardness of the night. You are the clear sight of my dimmed night. The doom where drums began their cadence, heard throughout the adversity of loneliness, is when everything ended. But the light of the day never ceases. For the drums can be heard once more, in the music of hope…

Now I understand, why ‘the revive’ is never too far… ‘The revive’ is within me. I and you, to find ourselves together inside a puzzle of awkwardness, and you’ll be loved.

Now I understand the mere thing I once cannot… that I’ve loved you from the very start of the maze.

Disperse

(A Reply to Revive)

Maxinne Marie B. Sentina

It was my mere presence that left you – just my presence, never my song. Perhaps you were lost, searching for a hand to lead you out of the labyrinth you put yourself in. I could have been the one, but I could not. How can I? I was in that labyrinth as well, and you would only go halfway to nowhere if I held your hand, in the awkwardness of everything. It was the time when all there was left for me to see was a mist of perplexity.

There were things that I could not escape from. My fate was clear. One day I’d leave; my presence would only taint the ground you stand on; one day the world will see that this was not where I should belong.

I know, as I can feel through the regale of your music and your words, I am loved. But I had to leave. The nightfall had come at last, it became the twilight of this awkwardness. I left you my song, I left you my light. Nonetheless, your sight has dimmed. When the drums of solitude began to cadence with the fading of the music you played, everything ended.

But you should not cease to listen to the beat, for when daybreak comes, your music shall be heard again, the drums of hope remain.

I, too, now understand what I once cannot. You’ve loved my presence from the very start of the maze. Just my presence. You did not hear my song.

You will understand, my “disperse” is your “revive”. And when you find it within you, you know you are loved.

© Maxinne Marie

March 17, 2008. 12:00 AM.

---

Inspiration strikes again. And no, I did not write this based on true personal emotions. RC, by the way, is my uncle (who just happens to be a year older than me) and also my best friend, and classmate. I love his writings and it’s the second time that I’ve been inspired to write a “reply” to his prose poem. I was able to come up with this by putting myself in the shoes of the girl to whom he dedicated his “Revive” piece.

.

Love, Nothingness and Everything Else

Unforgettable Moments of 2007

January: Letting go, moving on and starting to find myself again. Putting an end to some stupid relationship.

February: Totally crushing on a classmate. I’d always share my kilig moments with Cilby and Marshie.

March: Falling for a writer. March was so full of drama.

April: Getting to surf the net all day, all summer, doing digital art and somehow getting sort of discovered – my works caught some attention at DeviantART and I was given a three-month premium account by some random person over there.

May: Got my Canon Powershot A570 IS! ^_^

June: My 17^th birthday wasn’t that memorable.

July: Big Bro/Big Sis and Lil Bro/Lil Sis – 2007 College of Nursing Acquaintance Party! It was July 6 when I first met Jan Ree (my boyfriend) through that Big Bro & Big Sis activity. RC is my uncle/classmate/best friend, and the “big bro” assigned to him was Jan Ree. My “big sis” was Jan’s best friend. The four of use went out one Saturday. That’s basically how we met.

August: Nursing Fun Days, I guess. Got to be musical this time. Ena and I won first place in the vocal duet contest of the Nursing Pop Idols event, off to represent the college for U-week. And, August 29: Jan Ree asked for my number.